Comments on: Adjusting to Life as a Widow

By: julie

julie — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 20:01:28 +0000

I guess Im not alone.’

By: julie

julie — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 13:13:54 +0000

Hi there,
I lost my husband to suicide 11 mths ago. Never thought we would ever go through something this traumatic. We have been together for 18 years and have three
small children. I’m 37 and have lost my best friend. He was a nurse and had a heart of gold.
He got into a depression for the first time ever over losing one of his jobs this time last year.
We did everything as a family and he was the happiest man alive. Our kids and I were everything to
him.

Its hard to help your loved ones when you dont realize that they lost their own coping skills.
If I knew how bad, than I would have saved him .
Ive never been so alone. thanks for the children and my job to keep me going.
We lost our home, left the town we raised them, so new school, and our german shepard lives
with a friend. We our very empty and the pain is like a dagger. I miss my best friend
and my kids miss their daddy extremely. We see a counselor to help us through, but the emptiness
is left unsaid. This is one guy that you couldnt imagine doing this. Our lives are not fulfilled…
no one knows your children like their own daddy. I hope love and life come back to us someday.
Ive had many dif feelings towards him from missing his hugs and smile to feeling abandoned
and lost with many pressures added.
Good luck to all the women that have lost the love of their life. May we get stronger.

By: ify nwafor

ify nwafor — Sat, 10 Sep 2011 12:31:09 +0000

I lost the love of my life 3 years ago.Ilost him to cardiac infaction.He left me without a word,it has not been easy for me and our 5 girls.I feel so miserable and lonely,he left with all our dreams.It is not easy to move on after 20 years,it is only a fellow widow that will understand my plight,the lonely nights etc.

By: Linda

Linda — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 14:51:23 +0000

Response to Olive,

Your sorrows from losing a husband through his affair and abandonment may be a different kind of loss trhough death, but it is no less painful. Please, those of you who are widows be careful to not judge her words. Just because he is walking around on the planet doesn’t make her pain less. It can actually increase it, knowing he is lost to you forever. No public acknowlegements. No memorial service. No honor. No fond photos to keep on the walls. Totally alone. Future dreams crushed. All assets cut in half or worse. Rejection and abandonment by a beloved spouse cuts to the core of your worth as a woman in a way that death does not.

I knew a man who had lost two wives. One to cancer and one to an affair. While he suffered from both greatly, he said to me that losing his spouse to another man was MORE HURTFUL to him than losing “the love of his life” to cancer. In death there is usually no personal rejection involved. Both experiences bring untold sorrow. But please do not discount the huge losses of the betrayed and abandoned.

It took me ten years to feel “normal” after losing my own husband through an affair. Please respect our loss, too.

By: nancy

nancy — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 00:57:21 +0000

i have been a widow for 5 years now, like they say some days are easier then other.today..nov.21st seems to be one of my bad days ..dont know why….i was on anti..depressents..but they caused me to gain weight..never took the weight off….i just never feel like doing much…..oh well…good luck everyone….

By: ann mallory

ann mallory — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 13:35:11 +0000

I was married for 34 years before my spouse died fifteen months ago. I was very close to my mother-in-law who died a few weeks ago. His remaining brothers and his son are having an estate sale and have completely excluded me. I read about it in the paper. As a courtesy, I feel that I should have been given an opportunity to see something special in the house that I wanted of my mother-in-law’s as a keepsake. My three children should have been given a keepsake. They were little when my deceased husband and I married. I am no longer a wife and apparently nothing at all. My mother-in-law’s will left everything to her three sons, son #1, my husband, had died. The two remaining sons and my step-son are now the heirs. Does that mean that after thirty-five years as a daughter-in-law, I get no courtesy. I did nothing wrong. I took care of my sick husband several years. I am so hurt! Why are the other two daughter-in-laws more important than I am just because their husbands are still alive.

By: Marilyn

Marilyn — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 22:05:50 +0000

Your stories are so familiar to mine. My Don suffered from bladder cancer past two years, after 20 years cancer free from a preivous cancer and colostomy. I too was the caregiver for many months. Don died Oct 9, 2009. we would have been married 53 years in december. All our five children are grown and away from home; but comfort me when their love, calls and visits, only one lives fairly close. Friends and my faith have also supported me, try to keep busy with volenteer work, walking, visitng friends, but the lonly time are very much there.
when do you remove wedding ring? i do not want to yet as seems to be the final god bye.

By: Lori

Lori — Sat, 12 Jun 2010 17:17:57 +0000

My husband died suddenly–18 days ago. I am amazed at how well I am coping. I have to get it together. My husband did everything for us and now it feels that it is time to grow up. My daughter is 14. I feel that this is all so unfair to her, she’s just a kid!! My husband too, was awonderful man. The man of my dreams. We moved into our dream house 2 days before he died. I just seem to cry and cry. It seems no one could be this cruel.

By: Chi

Chi — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 10:46:35 +0000

This is a good site so we all know we are not alone. I lost my husband a year and half ago and all stills eems like yesterday and yet so far away. i have walked the various stages of grief and back again. Some days are good were i make a consious effort to live again and be joyful. While on other days its like ‘why did this all happen’. He passed in his sleep. Way too sudden. We went to bed today and tomorrow i’m alone… Well to encourage others, as the days pass there will be more good days than bad. I’m a christain and my faith has helped me. also knowing i have to be there for my kids 3 and 1 yr, I keep my head up an forge ahead. so for all u out there all i can say is ‘Find something to hold onto’. It’ll keep u from drowning.

By: lorraine

lorraine — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 14:52:44 +0000

I lost my husband 18 months ago and feel my life will never be the same again, besides trying to deal with the grief, pain and sorrow I am constantly bombarded with letters from the solicitors and in and out of court. Reason is he had an illigitimate child who is now 14 years old. He left a will and made provisions for her but based on the sale of a house he owned that is occupied by his elderly mother, this girl’s mother felt it wasnt enough. She is trying to get the whole estate before her daughter is old enough (i feel for herself), she also wants my husbands ashes. Everything is frozen now and I am not only homeless as the house we lived in was heavily morgaged and he left no life insurance. The estate is very small and the cash we saved up together has been eaten away in legal fees. I am now living with my mother and as a result of this been so ill and was hospitalized having lost 3 stone in weight. My legs are weak and sometimes I can barely walk, its impossable to get a job at the moment. This woman has a full time work, a home and child tax credit plus child benefits but she is trying to get the small 400 pound a month pension my husband left for me from his employment.

Yes its hard to lose the one you love, but even harder when someone wont let you get over the grieving process.